$600 Palace of infinite awesomeness

So I was looking up apartments in the NYC and stumbled across this posting:

Odds are, you'd like to live somewhere. We all do. What I'm making available for the low low price of 600$ a month, starting on January 15th, is a room in the best apartment in the history of the universe. Yes, I just made a fragrantly unsubstantiatable assertion, and yes, the apartment is that awesome.

First off a little about the room:
The room availible is separate from the rest of the palace. You'd have your own door/locks and lots of privacy. The room is 12x13ish with huge walk-in closet. This closet may or may not be big enough to house an army of midgets. If it is, imagine being able to mobilize a force of one-thousand vertically challenged death machines, all from the comfort of your own room. Preettty damn sweet.

The rest of the apt is big too, and may even dwarf the aforementioned closet. There's an eat-in kitchen with a stainless steel fridge, that makes ice and water, stores an incredible amount of things, and greets you by name when you enter the room. There's also an extra freezer, new stove, microwave etc. and hallway storage. We own every kitchen appliance known to man. This includes, but is not limited to: a Waffle Iron, a Smoothy blender, a foreman grill, and an electric can-opener. Pretty damn fancy, if ya ask me.

We also have a poolroom with another storage closet, pool light and a bar-sized pool table. We have a lounge that has leather couches and a big screen TV, a Hookah, a DVD collection of 200+ and assorted video game systems. It's gangsta.

We also have 2 roof decks for when it's warmer. Dual roof access in the swank apartment of the future. Pretty damn spiffy!

We are about a 4 short blocks away from the C on the Ralph stop and 3 Aves away from the J/Z Chauncey stop. There's a laundrymat on the block, lots of bodegas and a supermarket in the vicinity and other stuff too, like the brothel down the street.

All of this vulgar and awesome materialism aside, what makes this apartment awesome is the people. Gabby and I are pretty awesome.

I'm a 20 year old fencing instructor and student at Columbia. I like to read, drink, watch movies, pretend to be Buddhist, and I occassionally dress up as a cowboy, gangster, or samurai among other things. I also cook, and will always offer you some food if you're around and I've cooked extra. I'm really laid back, and very very few things bother me. So long as you don't poop in my room, light fire to my hair, wax me in my sleep, or steal my computer, or smack my hos odds are, we'll get along super dandy and keen.

Gabby is a graduate of Pratt, an artist at the core, and awesome, for whatever it's worth. She has an unhealthy obsession with being so cool, and will often be cool to the point where it hurts. I keep telling her to get help, but she's insistent upon maintaining her excessive behavior.


So, 600 rent+ 600 deposit to move in. If you're at all interested, reply to the questions below (Have fun with it), and we'll get back to you.

1: Ninjas or pirates? Why?
2: Name, age, phone number, occupation.... religion, sexual orientation, allergies, blood type, social security number, credit card number, ethnic background, political affiliation, yearly income, ect etc ect (if you are exceedingly dense, everything past 'occupation' was a joke)
3: Weapon of choice?
4: Drink of choice? If it is a martini, is it shaken or stirred and why?
5: If you could meet any one person, living or dead, fictional or real, who would it be and why?
6: Why should we pick you?
7: Why shouldn't we pick you?(Please be honest about this one. If we do pick you, and you lied in this section, and you like to poop in other people's rooms or have a tendency to set fire to your residence, we will find out and your punishment will be both severe and merciless.)
8: Ask me a question. Any question. This could include "If there is a tree and falls in the forest and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?" or "What is your favorite color?"
9: What is the best thing about this ad? How could I improve it?

~Mike

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Would he not be the best roommate ever??